The scene: I am at work and I need to pee. No biggie there are a ton of bathrooms to choose from and away I go to the bathroom. I get into the bathroom (in our staff room) and assume the position. All of a sudden there is this smell. Like fish. Honest to goodness I have never smelled such a thing before.
I lean forward and stick my nose downwards.
What the hell is that smell?
:sniff:sniff:sniff sniff sniff:
My gawd, I have heard of “if it tastes like Chicken keep on lickin’, if it tastes like trout get the hell out”, but what if it smells like Tuna?
Ugh. I disgust me. Is this why douches used to be so popular?
I need a plan, I can not work another 10 hours beside these people while giving off this smell. I think the drugstore across the street is open 24 hours, I can go get some Summers Eve or whatever women with this problem use. I can ask the Pharmacist!!!
Maybe this is a yeast infection? Maybe I can consult Dr. Google first? I never had one of those before…..
Ugh. If my va-jay-jay smells like this it has to also be on my underwear. Well, I can always spring for a 3 pack of Hanes Her Way old lady gonch at the drugstore… so gross to wear them without washing them first though.
I am so offending myself, I should go get a paper-towel and some soap and give it a wash-down before I rejoin society and go to the store. I smell worse then the homeless guy that pees on the bus stop outside the drugstore. That’s bad.
I wipe up and exit the bathroom. Out in the staffroom one of my new co-workers is making a snack and I sheepishly walk past her to the sink hoping she doesn’t smell me. Because my gawd that would be embarrassing. I make a little small talk and ask her what she has been making for her snack all this time in the lunchroom (because I could hear her while I was contemplating the funk in my forward ba-dunk-a-dunk).
A tuna salad.
Fresh from the can.
And here I thought it was me.