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Archive for the ‘Entertainment’ Category

There is not enough room down there for anything anymore.

Today while sitting in bed doing some reading I peed. The Bed. I didn’t laugh or cough or sneeze, I was just reading some poorly written chick lit. And I peed. Initially I thought that maybe, just maybe my water had broken (because I don’t actually know what that is like since I was induced for The Dictators birth)  and that would just figure since Stewart was away at work at the time.

Thankfully just the duvet and cover got wet (and it wasn’t much) – but seriously folks I am 32 years old, you would think I would understand when to go to the damn bathroom already.

I need to get back to my regularly scheduled program of wiping ass and kicking the laundry pile (which is now bigger due to a king size goose down duvet and cover).

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The fear

I have a fear. No it isn’t the pain childbirth (62 hours of labour and a shitty non working epidural with 4th degree tearing? been there done that) or untimely death or spiders. I have a constant fear of my teeth falling out.

I like to blame my parents and the fun they had with pulling their dentures in and out of their mouths when I was a kid. They thought it was so funny to see me try to take my teeth out too. It could also be because I knocked my front tooth out as a kid when I stole my neighbours roller skates and tripped over the laces onto hard cement and endure having a new filling popped in it every few years. That and I am prone to getting cavities, something about thin enamel and deep molar pits. I dunno.

Anywhoo, I have a recurring nightmare that my teeth are falling out, and although I know that your teeth falling out is supposed to “mean something” in dream speak I really think it is a black and white thing for me. I am seriously freaked that I could lose my teeth.

Because seriously? I think my teeth are one of my best features – at least they don’t gain weight.

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Victoria B.C.

Recently Stewart and I spent 4 nights in Victoria B.C. and it was freaking awesome.

The weather in Victoria is unlike anywhere else in Canada. In HickvilleCity here we have endured -40 Celsius temperatures and a ton of snow. In Victoria it almost never freezes. Never. It is like they shouldn’t be able to call themselves Canadians  because they don’t even own shovels and snow boots. When we were leaving there were flowers blooming and the tulips were poking out of the ground already. Keep in mind that in HickvilleCity we never get planting done until mid-May, and sometimes get some decent flowering by mid-June. The city is beautiful and there are SO MANY great restaurants to eat at that it really does boggle the mind. The only thing I wish we did was take The Dictator along with us, he could have run around like crazy there and here are also a ton of activities for kids.

The only thing I regret is that we took almost no pictures. So I am posting some photos and links I found online so everyone can see how fantastic it is there.

Merridale Estate Cidery – they grow their own apples and create artisan ciders from them, Also the best croissant I ever had in my life came from the outdoor stone oven where the chef makes fresh bread each morning.

Lure Seafood Restraunt – possibly the best seafood I have ever had. The service and prices were great.

WillowStream Spa @ the Fairmont – best spa services I have ever had. Stewart had a fancy bath, hot stone massage and a facial. I had a facial and an eyebrow tinting. They have fantastic facilities and the hydrotherapy area that you can use with the services is awesome.

When we came home it was tough going with The Dictator. For 3 days he wanted nothing to do with Stewart and was a very difficult little boy to deal with. Tantrums, fussiness, poor eating and a screwed up sleep schedule made all the “relaxing” we did in Victoria completely disappear. He is back on track now and acting like his usual spunky busy self, but Oy! It was rough. Now I have a sick 31 year old to deal with.

I don’t know what is worse: a sick Stewart or a sick Dictator.

Fun times.

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A quick post.

I am updating from VICTORIA B.C. Canada. The weather here is insanely mild and I have had no need for a shovel, boots, winter coats, dishwasher soap or a washing machine.

Excuse me while I do a happy dance…..  

Stewart and I have spent time:

  • shopping
  • eating
  • touring cideries and vineyards
  • driving around marveling that the architecture here doesn’t completely suck like at home
  • spa-ing (amazingly Stewart is a bigger spa princess then I am)

Other then one sandwich I haven’t ate any beef or chicken here. Amazing. We have had Indian food, seafood, and had a night at a great vegetarian restaurant (and bought the cookbook so we could do it at home).

Jealous much?

We shall be back in Alberta tomorrow, where after 4 nights I will get to see my favorite little man (and the worlds greatest dog ever)! We sure do miss him them.

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Last time I had a real holiday was September 2005 in San Francisco, around that same time that The Dictator was conceived. Holidays are good for the reproductive cycle, no?

Stewart and I are taking off for a few nights, alone. The Grandmas (Claire and Danielle) will be staying at our home with The Dictator and Paprika while Stewart and I eat fancy dinners, stay in a FANCY hotel and tour some vineyards. I am so looking forward a few days of “grown up” time. Had someone told me a few years ago that I would be begging for a decent haircut, massage and sleeping in a bed that I don’t have to make; I would have NEVER believed them. OMG. I just realized I won’t have to cook or do dishes either.

Excuse me while I wrap my head around those thoughts.

This will be the longest time I have ever been away from The Dictator, and it makes me a little nervous. I am sure he will be fine with the Grandmas propensity to be overprotective and overcautious (I am sure Claire is making a bubble wrap outfit for him to wear right now) but I still worry you know? It is not like I am only a 20 minute drive away – I will be a significant plane ride away from my son.

Deep breaths, don’t panic.

C’est la vie. I need We need this break.

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I call bullshit.

I am sitting in the basement watching “The Perfect Man” a movie with Hillary Duff (from circa 2005). Yes, sometimes this is how I spend Rito’s nap time

But I digress. 
This movie is supposed to be about a girl (who has her own blog, ironic) who’s Mom runs away from every relationship and relocates her children to other towns where the man-pickings are fresh. The Mom works for bakers or is a baker but obviously never holds down a job for any length of time. Even “Hillary” walks in to a cheesy bistro and says “I can’t afford this”. 
So what I want to know is how they can afford: 
  1. A 3 bedroom apartment in Brooklyn with insane architectural details
  2. A 400$ Marc Jacobs tunic for a 15 year old girl
  3. A $300 Marc Jacobs satin top (same on Britney Spears wore a few years back)
  4. I think she (Hillary Duff)  is also carrying a Fendi bag in one scene – about $1700.00 worth of Fendi bag. 
Or does she get a ton of revenue as a 15 year old blogger? My ass. Unlikely. I would think a single Mom would be getting the kids clothing at Target or something affordable
Only in freaking Hollywood. 

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F*cktards

Dad! and I were doing some “research” today and ran across a lit of information. Below I have a list of email addresses and Websites, maybe you can tell me what they all have in common?

Healthyincome@consultant.com (you know this asshat is going to put you on his spam mail list)


votedavedowling@hotmail.com (a hotmail account for a man looking for votes? come on now….)

Khal4mayor071@aol.com (hi there, what year were you born in? mmm 1971 maybe? or was Khal4mayor07 already taken?)

don@donkoziak.ca (nothing to say here)

georgeL7@Telus.net (hi George, come up with something better next time, like what is the L7 about?)

peterformayor@canadianredneck.ca (Peter here wants to be mayor but he is a Canadian redneck…. nothing like a banjo-playing cat-shooting hillbilly running for office)
canadianredneck.ca (Peterformayor’s website – loves being a redneck)

CHE9@Hotmail.com (who is this, and another hotmail account? Puhleeze get a real email address, it looks more professional)
nakedcybercafe.com (would you want your Mayor to have a website called NakedCyberCafe? Good grief! Soon the capital city clean up will be clothing optional)

smandel@re-electmandel.com (we get it you are already elected once, and looking at this list of fucktards you will be again)

christisking@shaw.ca (maybe this guy is named Chris Tisking? or are we having a problem with the separation of church and state here?)
http://www.freenorthamerica.com (This is “christisking”‘s webpage)

These guys, all 8 of them are running for Mayor of my city. Frankly it is embarrassing that we have 2 viable candidates running for Mayor in an area approaching a million people. How dare these other 6 morons even put some of this crap out there?

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