I need help. SO for those of you using a feed reader – click on through to this post!

My hair is driving me bat-shit crazy and I really don’t know quite what to do with it.

Normally, I would submit my hair dilemma to Whoorl at Hair Thursday and let her and the Internets make a decision but I have two small problems with that:

  • The girl has a HUGE waiting list for hair help (hey she is good)
  • I am impulsive and waiting even a week is too long for me when I get the haircut bug, it has to go ASAP!

So it is up to you (yes YOU right there!!!) my readers to vote on what I should do (also please leave a comment with any links/suggestions you may have for me).

First My Hair:

It is fine but there is lots of it, poker strait, shoulder length with some chin length layers (end of nose length bangs) and annoyingly soft (even if I tease the shit out of it the teasing and knots come out within the hour). Naturally dark brown with a touch of red in it, and about 10 -15% grey. My grey hairs are annoying because they stick strait up  like a misbehaved pubic hair (lovely I know).

Currently my hair has these layers which I never wanted but some dipstick hairdresser cut them in to give me “movement and body”. All the layers have succeeded in doing is making my ends look ragged and sparse no matter how healthy they are. Sadly my regular hairdresser ran off to Australia for a year (hence the Movement and Body issue).

This is where I am at now, on a good hair day:


In the past 2.5 years I have also done this to my hair:

#1 Short Hair in Layers, Bangs

#1 Short Hair in Layers, Bangs

#2 Glorified Mullett - a nightmare to grow out

#2 Glorified Mullett - a nightmare to grow out

#3 Grown out Short Hair with Layers

#3 Grown out Short Hair with Layers

#4 The Classic "Look I am a Mom now Bob"

#4 The Classic "Look I am a Mom now Bob"

#5 A typical day, longer with the front pulled back into "The Yorkie"

#5 A typical day, longer with the front pulled back into "The Yorkie"

So it is up to you (yes YOU right there!!!) my readers to vote on what I should do (also please leave a comment with any links/suggestions you may have for me).

The Hair Low Down:

I currently wash and blow dry my hair every second day. I am partial to keeping it a dark brown color; mostly because I am too lazy to deal with the expence and upkeep of hi-lights.

I have a cowlick on the right side of my head right were my bangs should be. This cowlick can be blown out easy enough, and it lies pretty straight when my bangs are longer. If someone was to suggest bangs for me I would ask that they be at a length that will not get in the way of my glasses when I wear them, and that they are long enough to pull back into “The Yorkie” like in the above picture (especially useful on the day after I wash/blowdry my hair).

My hair will part wherever I tell it to. Obviously I am not afraid of cutting it all off (BUT I hate the growing out process) and I am very OK with keeping it long (because nothing is easier then a ponytail when hanging around the house with the kids). I just want my hair to look finished when I do decide to put the effort into doing it. I am also quite good with a hairdryer and a straitening iron so using tools now and then does not scare me.

What I like and You can choose from: unless you have a suggestion then go for it in the comments!

#1 Keep it longer just grow out some of the mess

#1 Keep it longer just grow out some of the mess

#2 Bob it off and get some short side bangs

#2 Bob it off and get some short side bangs

#3 Bob it off with long bangs

#3 Bob it off with long bangs

#4 Give Stewart a heart attack and chop it off again

#4 Give Stewart a heart attack and chop it off again

Now Go forth and Vote!!!


Hey all. 

It is de-lurking day, so leave me a comment so I can find some new blogs to read. Even if you have commented before feel free to comment again so I can come  visit you online. 

Now I am off, an almost always hungry 5 week old is waiting for me. 


A few people have emailed me for the details of The Deuce’s birth, and since all of us women are nosy that way I may as well share everything I remember.

2 Weeks Before Birth:

My OB/GYN was considering an induction but was concerned that the baby may be too small to induce at my due date (The Dictator was 2 weeks late and still only 7 pounds) and ordered an ultrasound to confirm birth size. Normally in Hickville City ultrasounds are a privatized business and you have to go to either MIC or Insight to get them done. Neither could get me in before my due date so I was booked at the hospital to have it done on December 2nd; in hospital they also do a stress test with the ultrasound (thank goodness as you will see).

Start gaining the first of 14 pounds that I will gain in the last two weeks.

2 or 3 Days Before Birth:

I started skipping meals and getting hella dizzy with bad headaches. I just figured this meant that the baby was coming soon and ignored it. Also The Dictator had been sick with the flu for 4 days by this time.

December 2nd 1pm:

Enter hospital for ultrasound. Ultrasound indicates the baby is between 8 pounds 12 ounces and 10 pounds. Ultrasound also shows an amazing amount of amniotic fluid – so much that 3 ultrasound techs came into the room to double check what they just saw.

Me? Shocked at the shitting big baby I was going to be having some day soon.

December 2nd 2:15pm:

Park my but in a hospital bed for stress test. Four of us are in the case room having this done at the same time. Read Twilight while getting tested. No worries.

December 2nd 2:18pm:

Shocked when I see my blood pressure reading 174/101 on the monitor.

I usually have low low blood pressure in the 110/60 range. Figure machine is busted.

December 2nd 3:30pm:

Nurse comes in and sends the other 3 women home. Then she points at me and says she just put a STAT call into the Doctor to come see me. I start thinking that maybe I will be having this baby tonight. Also: start to panic. The Doctor who delivered the Dictator with some glorified salad tongs (and sewed up my 28 stitch disaster down south) comes in and expresses a lot of concern over the amount of fluid versus the high blood pressures and the lack of fetal movement in the stress test. He feels it is highly likely that my placenta is about to rupture and orders more bloodwork and puts me on strict bedrest. I couldn’t even walk down the hallway to the next room they put me in.

December 2nd 3:45pm – 5:15pm:

Call Stewart at work and tell him something is wrong. Stewart runs home, organizes the Grandmas to be with The Dictator, showers, gets the half packed hospital bag sorted out  and eats some crap fast food. My Mom drives him to the hospital since my car is already parked there. Meanwhile I am being treated like a human pincushion with all the tests and blood-work that is being done. The Doctor comes back with a heavy dose of Aspirin because of concern of me having a stroke with the high blood pressure and dizziness. Also? I am just slightly freaking out and anxious.

Normally I don’t do the freak out anxiety thing at all.

December 2nd 5:15- 5:30pm:

Stewart arrives. At 6pm they move me to Labour and Delivery for an induction. At 7:30 pm they finally get an IV that works started. Contractions start fast.

Stewart eats a bag a plain potato chips. Smell grosses me out and I make him go brush his teeth before coming near me again.

December 2nd 11pm:

I ask for the epidural before they break my water. Relief at last. My water is broken and there is SO MUCH that my socks at the end of the bed end up soaked. Stewart takes my socks off and tosses them in the garbage. Within 30 minutes the epidural starts to wear off. Doctor comes back for a top off of the meds – pain relief is short lived and wears off yet again (just like it did for the Dictator) Only my boobs (????) and a small patch of skin on my stomach remains frozen. Stewart starts asking for help since I am in so much pain – not much they can really do at this point and I should know better then expect the painkillers to work (Novacaine doesn’t work at the dentist for me either – go figure). Stewart then asks if he can do anything for me. I send him to the corner to listen to his iPod, because really what can you do right?

December 3rd 2:30am:

Decide to start pushing soon, pushing starts at around 2:40 am. At 3:00am I am told to stop pushing becuase the baby is coming out fast and they need the Doctor.

December 3rd 3:09am:

The Deuce is born. This time I acutally get to hold my baby after they are born (Dictator needed medical intervention after his birth) and Stewart gets to cut the cord for the first time ever (Dictator had to get help fast so we didn’t do the cord cutting thing). Nurse removes epidural and discovers that the Anesthetist had only inserted it an inch into may back THEREFORE it did not work properly.

Thanks for that Dr. Dingaling, I shall never forget YOU!

Ouch. But, YAY only 3 stitches. She was only 7 pounds 12 ounces – thank goodness!

The Condition:

I was diagnosed with Polyhydramniosis which is found in about 0.5% of pregnancies. This is diagnosed when you have well over 2000mL of amniotic fluid (the baby is supposed to be swallowing the fluid and should only have 800mL at 40 weeks gestation). Many times this is diagnosed it is because of Diabetes in the Mother (not something that I have a problem with) or abnormalities with the baby. Causes of this condition include:

  • Gastrointestinal abnormalities
  • Chromosomal Abnormalities such as Down’s Syndrome or Edwards Syndrome (which was a very small outside concern for us after an irregular ultrasound @ 20 weeks).
  • Neurological abnormalities such as Anencephaly
  • Benign tumors in the placenta
  • Central nervous system leisions (spina bifida is one)
  • VACTERL Syndrome – a condition that actually exists in my family. It consists of the following problems:  vertebral column anomalies (V), anal atresia (no but-hole) (A), congenital heart defects (C), tracheoesophageal defects (TE), renal and distal urinary tract anomalies (R), and limb abnormalities (L). I have a cousin with this who now leads a reasonably normal life (with one arm and digestive problems).

In a recent study results showed that 38% if babies born to mothers with this condition have fetal abnormalities, 7% passed away and average APGAR scores were between 3 and 5. Needless to say we are relieved that our baby is perfectly healthy – because even though about 50% end up healthy and normal those odds are still too high for me.

I know it seems like I have fallen off the face of the earth since The Deuce has been born. You would think it is because I have been so busy with a two year old and a new baby – but NO! I can never resist a good bandwagon to jump on and I jumped onto this one:


Dammit Edward Cullen, why aren’t you real????? I read all 4 books in the days after having The Deuce – thankfully the kid sleeps – a lot.

I think my first Mom time off from having The Deuce I may just have to go see the movie IN THE THEATER.

Now in other bitching and moaning (because I know that’s what you come here for):

  • What is with the plastic weave on maxi pads? Maybe they are fine for regular people, but post baby and stitches they are a complete nightmare. My stitches got caught in the damn weave and one of them pulled out. Can you say OUCH? Also plastic weave seems to lend itself to a little swamp crotch. There is nothing good about it post-pregnancy.
  • The Dictator used Nestle Baby Formula with no problems at all. Same formula makes The Deuce have the runs, inconsolable gas and an all around bad attitude*. Switched to Similac at the Doc’s recommendation and she has been a reasonable baby ever since. *according to The Dictator – he is all about Good and Bad Attitudes. Apparently Tow-Mater had a good attitude, and Lightning McQueen has a bad attitude.
  • I can now add a fourth division to the laundry pile. It used to just be colors, whites and linens. Now I can add PINKS. Yes there is that much pink to wash in this house.
  • I can now properly clean my shower with some NASTY CHEMICALS since I am no longer pregnant. Yay Me.

So off I go to clean the shower before The Deuce gets up from her nap. Which should be soon since the kid eats every 90 minutes in the last couple of days…. But first a little holiday cuteness: img_3227img_3302

The Deuce


She’s here!

Baby Audrey was born December 3rd (on my due date) weighing in at 7 pounds 12 ounces, and 20.5″ long.



The cuteness is overwhelming. Stewart is already shopping for a big old shotgun to keep the boys away.

No Deuce Yet

First thing first – there is absolutely NO SIGN of The Deuce appearing any time soon. OK, well maybe a single sign – like I am 3cm dilated but yet she still will not DROP. I can feel her pointy little head grinding my right hipbone which for the record, is exactly where The Dictator was stuck during the 4 hours of pushing I did with him. I really don’t want to do that again.

Also? I would rather not have 62 hours of being induced either = not cool.

Also? The Amazing Buzzing Vagina is still a problem.

And? The Stabbing Vagina Pain. Yowza.

Initially I was hoping The Deuce would come 2 weeks early – to balance out the two weeks late her brother was but now I am sure that this one will require a medical eviction from my uterus. Is it too much to ask that one of my children show up early and give me a “reasonable” labour and delivery?

It is? Oh. Shit.

In the meantime I have been doing a ton minimal amount of things around the house to get ready for our new baby. Minimal being that I am trying not to fall behind on laundry by doing one load a day and putting it away ASAP (as opposed to my usual technique of letting the laundry pile up on the washer/dryer until there is no room to put anymore clean items). I also went to a meal preparation place 2 weeks ago and made 23 meals for the freezer to get us over that initial baby-zombie hump that we are sure to endure when we come home with her. Sadly, we have eaten 3 of these meals already because I just do not have it in me to cook lately.

I have spent a lot of time having play-dates and outings with The Dictator hoping that if I had plans to do things then this baby would decide to be inconvenient and make me cancel my plans. No dice. It has been fun playing with my little dude though and I have enjoyed all the fun we are having together. Soon enough his tiny little world is going to change completely, and although he is really really excited about a baby sister he is going to learn the hard way that Mommy can’t just do it all anymore.

In other news: My nice kid who doesn’t ever hit other kids and cries when a kid hits him actually got on top of one of his little friends (who is a bully/hitter) and put him in a headlock today. And I didn’t even feel bad. Even the bully’s Mom was totally thrilled that someone put one of her twins in their place. GO DICTATOR! *

*Note: I do not condone kids fighting – but The Dictator is such a ‘wussy/nice kid’ that it was awesome to see him stick up for himself for once.

I still need to:

  • finish packing my hospital bag – although what is in it will do in a pinch
  • make sure to take extra batteries for the camera
  • buy a few bottles of pre-made formula for the hospital (with sterilized nipples on the side) – what they supply in hospital is not what we use at home so we might as well go prepared so we do not have to switch her over when we get home**
  • re-wash the bedding on our bed – just to say I did it again
  • deal with the LBOD – Laundry Basket of Doom – which contains items that require serious ironing
  • finish buying Christmas presents – really just Baby, Stewart and the Grandparents left to go – all pretty easy purchases
  • pick up an extra case of diapers for The Dictator – just so I don’t run out at a silly time
  • make a dentist appointment for the dog
  • get the dog a haircut
  • clean the master bathroom

** Note: Spare me the theatrics of breast is best. I already know that – I breastfeed and supplement due to a medical issue. Not that my boobs are much of anyone’s business. Heck, they aren’t even part of Stewart’s business lately….

Maybe this kid should stay in a few more days – just so I can get this all done.

Things I Wish I Said.

Note: I like older people, I work with a lot of elderly, my grandparents are OLD and I adore them. I am not a ageist, but this guy pissed me off.

Almost two weeks ago one of my Mom friends and I went to IKEA with our kids for $1 breakfast. Now I think that everyone who has been to an IKEA can agree that IKEA is a pretty damn family friendly place. Hell, cheap breakfast alone is totally worth it (and if the kid won’t eat you really are not losing out on much $$$ at all) and the store has TONS of areas to play in, stroller carts, free diapers, nursing rooms and an indoor play-yard. If this doesn’t SCREAM “bring your children’ I don’t know what does.

In the restaurant area (I use the term restaurant loosely it is really more like a cafeteria)  there is an area for children to play in with tables around the outside of it so you can watch your children. This is where Melanie and I sat watching her twin boys and my Dictator. The boys were all being so damn good; staying in the play area, sharing, not screaming and checking in with us every couple minutes for a bite of their breakfasts. On the other side of the play area this older man ((about 60-65) and his frumpy wife were eating their breakfast and playing with a cheap ass digital camera. This man kept looking at us with a dirty look over and over. Whatever.

So I go to get a coffee and when I come back our kids are sitting at the kiddie table in the play area with a bead toy, playing nicely. And this asshole looks at our kids and tells them to “go away kids” (he was at least 10 feet away from them) and sitting beside the play area at the other end, and it wasn’t nice or joking either.

Me: Excuse me, do you have a problem?

Him: Take your kids home

Me: What for? They are being good! Playing in the KIDS area!

Him: Children belong at home, not in public.

Me: Are they bothering you directly or something?

Him: Yes because kids should not be out in public. Neither should pregnant women.

Me: Well SIR, this is a KIDS PLAY AREA, and you are more then welcome to sit anywhere in the other 500 seats here that are NOT beside the KIDS PLAY AREA.

Him: I can sit where I want.

Me: Then deal with it buddy. Maybe your wife should take your cranky but home. I am sure she is proud of being seen with YOU in public. But she looks like a real prize too so I am sure you are well suited.

That shut him up. But seriously, I really wanted to unleash the bitch that Is Sleepynita. Pregnant or not there are a ton of things I wanted to say to this asshole of a man. In a perfect world these would have come out of my mouth as well (meaning my kid wouldn’t be around and I could swear, or that there wasn’t another nice older couple there I would offend – this other older couple actually apoligized for captain asshole’s behaviour):

Wish I said: Why don’t you just die already and quit draining my health-care system?

Wish I said: I am sorry but are the children ruining your fancy breakfast out? ($1 hahaha)

Wish I said: Enjoy your breakfast that my taxes are paying for, and enjoy the government pension I am paying for that I will never collect.

Wish I said: I can’t believe that out of 100,000 sperm you were the quickest.

Wish I said: You are a fantastic example of why some animals eat their young.

Wish I said: Go flap your bingo wings elsewhere.


Bingo Wings. Now you know.