Painful Fashion Choices - #1

 

What is worse - the big glasses or the fact the dress was found on the clearance rack for $8.00 at K-Mart and I thought it was hot since it was the first “adult” clothing I ever wore?

Letters to my Son - 21 Months

Dearest Dictator,

You have been my pride and joy for 21 months now. Every morning is a new adventure with you and I never know if that day will be all about airplanes, the park, The Backyardigans, Bob (the Builder), or dogs and cats. You change it up each and every day. There is never a dull moment with you around.

Recently you have become obsessed with gum and mints. You will do anything for a Tic Tac, including remaining quiet in the car and not crying when someone else is taking care of you. You can jump, walk up and down stairs, run backwards and sort shapes like a pro. In the last two months you have learned a few colors, and you really like the color blue. BLOOOOOO! You can also count to six; usually you forget 2, 3, 4 and 5; but you have 1 and 6 down like a pro!

Airplanes fly over our home regularly and each time you hear one you run to a window and get so excited while saying “Dah-dee, Dah-dee!” We recently figured out that Daddy has a picture of an airplane on his ID and you made the association that Daddy and airplanes belong together.

When asking you who does certain chores in the house you always respond with: vacuuming -Dah-dee, dishes - Mama, laundry -Mama. I am amazed that you already understand who does what. Like any typical male you like to do whatever your Dad does - which usually means vacuum, shave and play Guitar Hero. You love rocking out to Guitar Hero with your Dad. In fact if you had your own theme song I am sure it would be Rock You Like a Hurricane; and you do rock us like a teeny tiny little hurricane each and every day.

 

Recently you have shown signs of getting to that age where your Dad will become the coolest. person. in. your. life. Honestly, I really do not know how to handle this at all. Although I am happy to hand you off to your Dad I still want to be your coolest person ever.

You have such a sense of humor now and you like to play Bubba jokes on your Dad. When Dah-dee asks “whats my name”? you respond Bubba! until he tickles you so much you give in and say Dad-dee. Then you usually run away and once you are out of his reach you say Bubba! again and start laughing your little butt off. I never tire of watching this game; which is a good thing because seriously, it never ends. I also love watching you try to dance along with The Backyardigans videos and you almost have one little dance down pat.

Mama and Dah-dee are head over heels in love with you little dude. You rock our world.

Love you more than chocolate;

Mama

P.S.

Sitting in the car does not entitle you to mints or gum. OK?

Sex Sells.

American Apparel.

I applaud your company’s employment standards. Paying a living wage in L.A. (as well as having a meal subsidy program for your staff) and having Americans make your clothing and not farming the work out to China is awesome.

I love your sustainable edition (organic) line for my son. They are delicate and soft, yet stand up to multiple washings.

I enjoy going to your stores, which are well stocked. When I walk in I am awed by the array of colors and amazed by the brightness and cleanliness of the store. The staff is always fantastic. I find your retro-kitch aesthetic approach to clothing refreshing.

I do not however enjoy purchasing pants made of the cheapest feeling cotton available (yet I do because buying a North American made product makes me feel better about stuff) and promptly having the hems on them fall apart after 2 washings. Jersey - my ass. These lose their shape, twist, shrink, and fall apart much too quickly; even for $35.

I also do not enjoy visiting your website and the two times I refresh the main pages this is what I see:

Now I know I am getting a little older and more conservative but these also are not shorts:

I thought they were underwear until I read the description.

I know sex sells.

I would however like to go to a site to look for kids items and not be assaulted by photos of people who are barely clothed and appear filthy and stoned in most photos. Frankly it makes me feel like I should go take another bath.

Gross.

Stop talking to my tits. Mmmmkthanksbye!

After my interview from Sheila, I received a couple emails asking me about my breast reduction surgery which I touched on very very briefly in the interview. Two emails were from women who desired to have this same procedure done, one from a woman who wanted to know how I came to such a decision and two more (from a woman and a man) who basically pissed on me for having the nerve to cut off my boobs and called me vain and lazy. Trust me. If you saw the size of my ass you would not think I am vain. I figured now was as good of a time as any to address this issue and some common boob myths.

I have been large chested since I was 15 years old, maybe even younger. I swear one day in 9th grade I woke up and realized that doing laps in Gym class was going to be a real painful experience. And it was.  By the time I graduated High School I was 115 pounds and should have been wearing a DD bra (but I totally squished myself into C/D cups).

This leads me to Myth #1: Boobs are large because you are fat. Not so. 115bs and 5′4″ tall wearing a size 4 is not fat. My boobs though were really big.

For a couple of years I buggered around doing odd jobs trying to decide what I wanted from my life. At one company in particular I was repeatedly hassled by a white-trash poorly dressed head cashier and a dumb ass store manager about the size of my chest. Although I always dressed professionally (as in suits, dress pants or dresses) the fact is when you are in an E cup bra there is no hiding them puppies. The assholes thought that I should go to a men’s store and buy a sport jacket to wear over my suits and company supplied shirts so no one would see how large my breasts were.

I finally threatened them with harassment charges for hassling me about my breasts - and was promptly transferred to another store (where I started dating Stewart). The manager at the new store had heard of my problems with the previous store (the other manger who transferred me had implied I was a slut to the new boss - because you know girls with big boobs are easy right? ugh.) and dealt with it head on. He had no problem with my chest size and also stated I was more then appropriately dressed to work in his store and that the other guy was lucky I never pressed charges.

Here is Myth #2: Women with big breasts enjoy the attention. Most naturally large chested women I know go through great pains to minimize the appearance of their breasts and we all hate it when people stare at our chests while talking to us. It is embarrassing and awkward. 

My first year at post-secondary school should have been exciting and rewarding. I chose a field where women did not traditionally work (Electronic Engineering) because I loved that kind of stuff. A week into my program I was approached by one of my instructor’s and told that I was lucky I was cute and had a large chest because it would ensure I passed the program and find a job in the field. That just about sealed it for me. I spent a day in tears and then marched my ass to my family Doctor for a referral to a Plastic Surgeon. My Doctor said he had wondered for a few years why I hadn’t asked to have the surgery done.

Want Myth #3? Women with large chests are air-heads or dumb. I applied to post secondary school with a 98% in Physics, a 95% in Math and a 90% in English. When I graduated I was within 2% of the top of my class over all (technically in the top 3 people), was the ONLY person to get over an 80% in every class offered in our program and scored a perfect grade in 3rd year University calculus. I am not dumb. Neither are 99% of the people with large boobs. The sweet payback is that I ended up making $30,000 a year more then that instructor.

Finally Myth #4: Women who have breast reductions do it for vanity reasons. Ab-so-fucking-lutely that was 40% of the draw for me.

The other 60%? I had x-rays showing the bones in my shoulder compressing from the weight of my bras. Migraine headaches were a daily battle. The back pain was never ending. I was spending 200$ on a single bra because my personal boob alphabet was approaching J-K-L. Fun letters I tell you! I never owned a shirt with buttons and bought shirts at the plus size store (and had them altered smaller) because they covered my chest. Regular shirts were never long enough because the size of my boobs would totally alter the length of the shirt, leaving it creeping up my front. I could NOT find a bathing suit to properly fit them into unless I wanted to look like a porn star. Finally, I was sick of people not knowing my name and being referred to as “the one with the big tits”.

It is a decision I never regretted and I would do it again in a second. It improved my physical health, my confidence and probably improved the way that people (who do not know me) look at me. I no longer fall under the “big boobs = stupid” umbrella and can buy different clothing. Best 12 pounds I ever got rid of.

How my day has gone….

Sing the following song to the tune of She’ll be Coming Around the Mountain

If he hands you something brown

it might be poop (it might be poop!)

If he hands you something brown

it might be poop (it might be poop!)

If he hands you something brown

and it’s stinky and it’s round

If he hands you something brown

it’s likely poop (it’s likely poop!).

Seriously. I was happy to have not popped it in my mouth thinking it was chocolate. In fact when he first handed it to me, I wondered where he got the chocolate from, alas, it was warm and stinky.

Once upon a time ….

Back in the day when Stewart and I went on holidays, I used to be attached to the camera to take photos like these:

Which is why I am so damn pissed that this is likely the best photo I took in Victoria:

In our defense, he was the fattest seagull we ever seen. We named him Artie Lange*.

 

*I don't expect anyone to get the reference

The Great Interview Experiment - MochaMomma

Below is my interview of Kelly from MochaMomma:

The questions are in bold print and her answers in regular typeface. To find out more about this experiment go to Citizen of the Month.

I love that you wanted to write for ClubMom way back in the day, and then wrote about being rejected (hilarious - “like you had time for that shit anyways!”). I find it funny how some of these “popularity contest” sites pick some of the content that they do, because frankly the content sucks. If you could design your own multi blogger site, what would the platform be and who would be the top 5 bloggers you would choose to write on it and why?

You’ve just reminded me how naive I was when I first started blogging. Part of what I wanted was to be a part of some community, but I failed to realize I was already in the process of facilitating one myself on my own blog.

A dream platform would simply be: SMART WOMEN. I’d have the following writers to work with:

Shark-Fu from Angry Black Bitch.
http://angryblackbitch.blogspot.com/
Her point of view is captivating and she’s not afraid to say anything. She knows what’s going on in the world. Plus, she’s angry. And a bitch. Us colored girls have to stick together if we’re that pissed off. I love her and would dare not get into a tequila shots contest with her.

Jay from Kill The Goat. (http://saintvodkaofthemartini.blogspot.com/)
She’s whip smart and downright captivating in her writing. You read her and always leave wanting more because her writing shouldn’t end. Ever. (Sorry Jay. I’ll give you a 20 minute nap break now and then, but then BACK TO WORK)

Jen from Run Jen Run.
http://runjenrun.com/
The beauty with this little gem is that she takes those innocuous situations and plays with them in a way that my brain not only comprehends but also makes me want to follow her around with a camera. Not in that creepy way, either.

Belinda from NinjaPoodles.
http://ninjapoodles.blogspot.com/
Sweet tiny Jeebus. Have you read her? Throw anything her way and she can pull it apart by analyzing and synthesizing it and give it back in such a way that I wish to suck her brain out and put it in my own head.

Heather from No Pasa Nada.
http://nopasanada.org/
Young, Black, Gifted. Generally speaking, she’s got that certain fabulousness necessary for running any great website, but I have yet to convince her to come live with me. She’s got these amazing quotes that go with everything she writes and she’s annoyingly well read. That certain fabulousness is just necessary for being my friend, because I really need to surround myself with people smarter than I.

Being that you work with young people, what are common issues that you see coming between children today and their parents? How would you recommend they overcome these issues or obstacles?

The students who don’t get enough positive attention at home are the ones who make my heart gush forth blood and fall directly out of my chest cavity. They are tender and want something, they just don’t know what. If parents would talk with their kids and show greater vulnerability, humanity could be saved. These kids have parents who, in my humble view, expect them to know better, but didn’t give them enough practice before trusting them so much. Mostly, they want someone to believe in them and give them praise. It is why I feel depleted at the end of the day. It’s a lot of work. The other things all revolve around their friends. They want you to trust them, but guide them. They want you to shoot them straight and not sugar coat. They want you to come see their concert, ballgame, recital, poetry reading.

Any advice for a new-ish Mom who wants to raise tbest little boy on earth?

(Oops - I deleted part of your question!)

I guess you could just SEE ABOVE, but there’s more I would say. Teach him to have compassion. Because, wow, does that avoid a metric ton of other problems. If he cares for the little boy he’s playing with and wants to share, that’s sweet. If he cares enough later on to keep his friend from doing addictive drugs, that’s awesome. But, if as a young man, he cares enough about his community to live his life as an example, then BINGO. That’s downright inspiring.

What exactly made you want to become a Principal/Dean of a school?

Leadership just finds me, but my current position was solidified by my own high school dean taking me off the College Bound track once I got pregnant and told me to go to cosmetology school. She tried to change my own expectations of what I could do and accomplish and I am driven by her low expectations of me. Also, I went to college just to piss her off. But at my 10 year reunion, it wasn’t about that. I did it for me and my young daughter. It felt good to come full circle like that.

I love that you call your Mac a Crapple when it disappoints you. I am going to have to tell my boyfriend that one.

The old laptop was named Jayne (after Mansfield) and when “Crapple” wasn’t harsh enough I would yell, “That bitch Jayne is acting up again!” Now, however, my current boss (principal) is named Jane. I’ve deleted that mantra from my vocabulary. Also, my new one is still nameless. (Help!)

Having a child at the age of 15 is hard for sure, but there had to be some benefit to being a young mom in the long run. What are the great things about being a Mom at a young age, and how did it improve your life? What is the one thing you experienced as such a young Mother you wish you never had to go through or would change?
Probably the best thing was not having any preconceived notions about parenting. I did what made sense to me and adjusted a lot. So I guess that flexibility has come easily in how I parent my children and transferred into other life lessons.
I wish I never had to experience the hurtful and deliberately pained looks I got for carrying a kid on my hip when I should have been doing teenage stuff. A teacher/coach of mine couldn’t get pregnant and was highly jealous of my fertility and she was cruel. Now, of course, I know how hard that must have been for her to be infertile, but I still hear women denounce other women for giving birth (”She already has two kids!” or “She can’t even afford the ones she’s got! My taxes will raise that little bastard!”. I wish we didn’t have to beat each other up for things beyond our own control.

Does Mallory have any relationship at all with her biological father? And if not, how would you (and just as importantly Ken) feel about such a possibility?

Richard Cranium finally lived up to his name with Mallory - he told her he couldn’t afford to pay for college (he helped out MAYBE one semester of one year). He blew it. She doesn’t have anything to do with him anymore. Her determination made her contact him at 16 and by age 20 he had screwed everything up. She’s got a father in Ken and we’ve never even questioned that.

Your archives had me cracking up, especially the “Pain and Panties” entry, only because OMG I hide my skivvies at the OB-GYN too. What do you feel is the funniest entry you wrote and the most poignant entry you wrote, and why?

You know, I really do love “Pain and Panties” because I mentioned something that my girlfriends and I talk about but that I hadn’t ever seen mentioned in writing. Hopefully, I captured the smug attitude I have when I’m alone with my panties and that paper gown awaiting violation because every woman has experienced it. I liked giving voice to something that women said, “Oh my God! I do that and didn’t even notice!”

Most poignant: “Baby Brain Cells”
http://www.mochamomma.com/2006/05/18/baby-brain-cells/#comments

It’s about how self doubt creeps in constantly making us feel inadequate. It sort of hurt to write that one and I was pleasantly surprised by the encouraging responses because a few readers connected with seeing ourselves as failures and recognizing it as a fight. It encourages me to want to win and not give in.

Your blog hiatus in 2007 didn’t last very long, what made you come back to blogland so quickly?

It really chaps my ass when I let others determine what I should do so when I realized that part of quitting was cowardice (the other part, some personal and professional fatigue) it shamed me and I realized I didn’t want to give it up. I was mad at myself and knew I had more in me. Also, that asinine Imus statement made news and I couldn’t possibly shut up.

On February 26th you wrote on Flawed But Authentic that “My readers and commenters are slowing down at my own place. And for good reason: they’ve seen the passion drain out of my writing.”. Why or how do you feel that your writing has changed (for the record I think you are still going strong, just blogland in general has slowed down, unless you are Dooce) and as a result where do you see your blog going from this point on?

I don’t cuss as much as I would like. Sometimes a couple of hard consonants in words like FUCKITY FUCK can make me feel good. But there’s also the challenge of writing well and not resorting to that which makes it fun. Obviously, I’ve felt like cussing A LOT lately. Also, there are things which I feel passionate about that I can’t write about because my children are getting older and reading things in a form where I’m expressing myself. What if they read something and question me about not talking to them about ittoo? What if they learn things going on in my life by reading it and not connecting with me? The balance is precarious right now and my own personal struggles aren’t ready to be shared in this format so I’m censoring myself. I’ve also detested those bloggers who write about their great lives (Look! I’m redecorating and spending a gazillion dollars at Pottery Barn!) and the find some mediocrity in their writing and then have this cyclical bout of depression (Everything sucks. I’m lonely. Why me, God?) to bring their readership back.

On another note, my next blog entry is entitled “Look! I’m Decorating With Stuff From The Dollar Store And May Need To Check In With Employee Assistance For A 20 Minute HOWYADOING? DON’TSLITYOURWRISTS, MMKAY? Session”

Wow, that was totally intimidating - but fun! Thanks for the opportunity and from now on I will not be so much of a lurker on your site.

Danita a.k.a SleepyNita
Drowning in Laundry

For lack of anything to blog about.

Recently Stewart and I spent 4 nights in Victoria B.C. and it was freaking awesome.

The weather in Victoria is unlike anywhere else in Canada. In HickvilleCity here we have endured -40 Celsius temperatures and a ton of snow. In Victoria it almost never freezes. Never. It is like they shouldn’t be able to call themselves Canadians  because they don’t even own shovels and snow boots. When we were leaving there were flowers blooming and the tulips were poking out of the ground already. Keep in mind that in HickvilleCity we never get planting done until mid-May, and sometimes get some decent flowering by mid-June. The city is beautiful and there are SO MANY great restaurants to eat at that it really does boggle the mind. The only thing I wish we did was take The Dictator along with us, he could have run around like crazy there and here are also a ton of activities for kids.

The only thing I regret is that we took almost no pictures. So I am posting some photos and links I found online so everyone can see how fantastic it is there.

Merridale Estate Cidery - they grow their own apples and create artisan ciders from them, Also the best croissant I ever had in my life came from the outdoor stone oven where the chef makes fresh bread each morning.

Lure Seafood Restraunt - possibly the best seafood I have ever had. The service and prices were great.

WillowStream Spa @ the Fairmont - best spa services I have ever had. Stewart had a fancy bath, hot stone massage and a facial. I had a facial and an eyebrow tinting. They have fantastic facilities and the hydrotherapy area that you can use with the services is awesome.

When we came home it was tough going with The Dictator. For 3 days he wanted nothing to do with Stewart and was a very difficult little boy to deal with. Tantrums, fussiness, poor eating and a screwed up sleep schedule made all the “relaxing” we did in Victoria completely disappear. He is back on track now and acting like his usual spunky busy self, but Oy! It was rough. Now I have a sick 31 year old to deal with.

I don’t know what is worse: a sick Stewart or a sick Dictator.

Fun times.

The Great Interview Experiment.

A Couple weeks ago I decided to participate in Neil’s The Great Interview Experiment at Citizen of the Month. I thought it was a neat way to read new blogs that I may have never found on my own. Sheila at Peddling Fast and Trying to Keep Up had the honor of interviewing me, and I in turn will be interviewing Mocha Momma very soon.

OK, I have to ask… for starters, Why do you blog?

I blog mostly as a way to vent my frustrations with the world, being a parent and to poke some fun at myself. Sometimes, I use it as a subtle way to communicate with Stewart. I also really suck at keeping a baby book, and still haven’t scrap-booked the first year of my son’s life so instead I write him little letters every couple months on my blog.

When did you start and how often to you update?

I officially started December 2006. I updated sporadically at first but now I try to update 2 or 3 times a week so I can keep the 80 unique hits a day I receive. I know, stats like that will NEVER get me into the cool bloggers club. Although I would like it if people commented more often, even if it was just to tell me I am off my nut!

With 3 people in the home, you feel you have lots of loads of laundry?

My goodness! It seems like it just never ends. Just when I think I am done the last load, I go upstairs and Stewart and The Dictator have burnt through more outfits. Well, that or the dog has puked on something that needs immediate washing (because my goodness the stench!). Or it is time to wash the bedding. Oh, or there is the never ending pile of neglected ironing to tend to.

If you have any tips and tricks with a bazillion kids in your house, let me know!

You are pretty open in your thoughts and the things that you post. Are there things you would not write about in the forum of your blog?

I am pretty open with what I write, mostly because that is what I am like in real life too. I am sure DogMama will chime in on the comments section to back me up on this one. Being somewhat anonymous online does bring you a bit of backbone to write what you want but that only goes so far.

There are a few things I do avoid writing about online though. I would never write about the day to day activities with my son before they happen (there are a lot of crazies out there you know? I don’t want one finding me or my son) or the nitty gritty details of my sex life. The other thing I avoid is writing in a way that would give anyone a bad image of Stewart. Sure the man drives me mad some days, but to write about the shit that blows over day to day I just don’t do. Now I may do some subtle whining about him for the sake of communication…..

You say you like to shop, are we talking things for your home, clothes, accessories or just all those sylin’ outfits for the Dictator? What do you like to shop for most?

I would have to say those all sound like good excuses to go shopping. I like shopping for clothes the most, but shopping for boys and men’s clothing totally tops my list. Having Stewart and The Dictator to dress is a lot of fun, (especially the 18 month old because his opinions don’t count yet so I get away with anything).

I loved reading about the Dictator. I can tell he is the love of your life and has brought out the best in you. Do you plan to have more children?

We never planned on having more then one child. But. That being said, we are “throwing caution to the wind” and letting whatever happens… happen.

I was an only child and once I got over that phase of trying to pay my parents to make me a brother at the age of 8, I have to say being an only kid was great. Stewart has a younger brother but they are four years apart and so very different from each other that their relationship is strained at times. So although I am not entirely convinced that kids have to come in multiples, I am willing to try something different then what I was raised in. Another year of maternity leave off work would be nice too.

Has his temper improved?

I think my son is a typical pre-two year old boy, the more I watch other kids in public the more I realize I have a pretty mild mannered little boy. There are days that he does get the best of me and I end up crying in frustration and convincing myself that tomorrow will be a better day for both of us. Other days I realize that he is his fathers son and has his fathers short temper. They both are rather passionate about a lot of things.

I love how you write notes to him, will you publish a book of these notes and thoughts for him to read later in life?

Absolutely. I am deciding if they should be handwritten and put them in a scrapbook for him or should just print them up with a few photos to go with each letter.

You’ve been with Stewart for so long. It sounds like the two of you have a great thing going – Where did the two of you meet?

Wow this question could be a full blog post alone.

Stewart and I both met while working at an electronics store. He was a fresh out of University guy and I was a going nowhere fast cashier. Anyways. I saw this guy standing around wearing an outfit only he could wear. It was a salmon colored suit jacket with black and white glen plaid pants a blue shirt and a flowery tie. Somehow it looked good. Or I was desperate. Whatever. When he walked by me and smelled SO GOOD and I was hooked. The next week it was casual week and he wore jeans (that totally showed off his butt) and a white golf shirt. I never knew the boy had arms and a six pack. So hot.

What finally sealed the deal was a few weeks later he came into work to buy a computer. I knew he lived on his own, but he had parked a stellar car in front of the store and then wrote a cheque to pay for the computer with no sweating whatsoever (remember we were like 20 years old at the time). I figured this boy had it going on; a nice car, his own place, cash for a new computer (5,000$ at the time), smelled good, great clothing and a hot bod.

False advertising. Mostly.

He had moved home, was driving his brothers car, had a loan for the computer (was building up a credit rating after going to university) and had someone at a clothing store to help him buy his clothing. The bod was still hot and he smelled good so 5 months later when we both had transferred stores and met up again we started dating - after I ditched my ex, and he left his girlfriend at the time.

12 years later together we both have gone to school, got great jobs, bought a home, dealt with a devastating death in the family, traveled, got the worlds best dog and had our son. I think we have been pretty productive considering some people thought we would last 2 weeks.

And you knew this was coming…Any marriage plans in the future or do you feel things are good so why mess with them?

Right now, why mess with it? That and I should be banned from having a real wedding because I would be a total Bridezilla. It is just the way I am. I would control every detail and bitch the whole time about it. So not fun. Vegas was invented for people like me.

I like to think that we are pretty unconventional when it comes to all that kind of stuff, and since I like to buck tradition, why bother with getting married? I do think Stewart owes me something big and shiny to wear on my finger though, more for the fact that I am kind of sick of people looking at my hand when they see me out with my son and giving me the “poor single Mom” bullshit look (mostly old ladies) when they see nothing on my finger. That really bugs me.

Upon first going to your site, I saw the picture that you posted on Valentines Day of you with your parents. I immediately thought what beautiful people. You have got great genes, girl! You say you inherited the need to shop from your mom, what other qualities of hers have influenced your life?

My Mom is pretty open and easy going and lacks the filter on things she says. She is also loud and opinionated but listens and usually has good advice when you need it. My Mom can really take things and see two or three sides to everything and tries to make others understand a situation isn’t always one sided. She also has a soft spot for animals, even though she tries to hide it. I think it comes from growing up dirt poor on a farm and watching pets get shot once they became sick, hurt or old. I am so much like her in those ways. I am also like her in the way that we hold a lot of things in a stress over them quietly to the point of making ourselves sick. I am not so fond of that one.

The death of your dad, at his & yours and your moms, young age, obviously had an impact on your life. I read all that you wrote of him, and truly understand what a loss this was. Heartbreaking.
What are the things about him that you have inherited or incorporated in your own life?
In what ways are you like him?

My Dad was a very very patient person. It would take a lot to truly piss him off, but when he had his quota of being pissed off and finally snapped you’d better hope your ass was in a different time zone. Yup, that is me!

His biggest weak spot was kids. I think it came from him being abused, hungry and neglected as a child. He was always playful, fair and generous to children; family or not. I spent my childhood having my father as my coach for sports, he was the parent who always showed up at school meetings and the one who really dealt out the discipline when I was out of line. Even when our family was going through tough times financially he always found a way to get great gifts for everyone, and had a couple hundred dollars put to the side to buy something for really needy children. I remember one time when I was small he stopped and gave a homeless lady his lunch and hot coffee that we had in the car, just because she needed it more then we did. I like to do things like that when I can.

If I’m not mistaken, you study sleep disorders…What brought you to this line of work?

You could say that I fell into it.

When I went back to school I decided to again go against the grain and go into a male dominated program. I choose Biomedical Engineering which is a medical electronics specialty. I did very well in the program (scholarships are good, so I learned) and graduated in the top 3 in my class.

Unfortunately a few things were going against me in that particular field. One; I was a woman and it is a total boys club here. Two; there really was not much well paying work available (at least until the baby boomers start to retire).

When the location I work at posted a casual position I applied for it (I was working at the power company at the time) and decided it would help keep my foot in the door to watch for other positions. A week later I was offered a permanent position, and then a few months later full time. After 18 months I wrote my Polysomnography exams in Seattle, Washington. I passed them, got a good raise and really don’t see doing anything else for work. It is a great job and I am lucky to have it.

This is not a question, but I think you should post a picture of your VW Bug – my kids do the punch bug thing with me all the time – and a double whammy if it’s a yellow one.

I have never actually taken a good photo of my car. Strange considering how much I love it. I gotta get on that one! No double whammies here though, it is green.

Your dog is very cute. What kind is he?
I love how you love animals and always have.

Paprika is a West Highland White Terrier. We got her as “defective” stock from a breeder in the area. If you ask me the people who returned her are defective, she is the most lovely little dog ever. A bit of a barker, but still wonderful.

If I were to come visit you, what would we do for fun what sights we would see?

I live in HickvilleCity, Alberta Canada. Care to see some oil wells and dually trucks blowing diesel stink in your face? Everyone seems to drive a truck or huge SUV here.

We do have the largest shopping mall in North America ( The Mall of America isn’t that big, sorry to the Americans who really thought it was) and it is the world’s largest combined entertainment and shopping center which not a good thing for the shopping addicted.

We could also use the river valley which has a parks system that is larger then Central Park in NYC. It really is impressive, even though our family does not use it at all. In the summer there is always a festival of some kind happening (Fringe Theater, Street Performers, Jazz City, Folk Fest and The Taste of HickvilleCity to name a few) not a day goes by without some huge production going on when the weather is nice. I guess that is what happens when you live in the cold 7 months of the year, you pack a year of stuff into 4 months.

If you could talk to your 20 year old self, what are a few things you would say?

Dear 20 year old self,

That guy you are dating? When he is 31 he will still be living in his parents basement. Time to upgrade girl. The best friend you have? She is a a spoiled slut who only sleeps with older men who pay her way in life, soon you will figure that out and ditch her. The “fat” on your stomach? Yeah, you don’t know fat wait a few years, enjoy wearing clothing sizes with single digits. Go back to school, now. Run there, don’t wait another 5 years; do it now. You will be so much further ahead in life if you got a 5 year head start. How about leaving for work 10 minutes earlier on December 2, 1998? Your life will be so much easier and you will not wake up in pain every day for the rest of your life. Shopping is just an emotional band-aid for how shitty you feel about something. Deal with the emotions, don’t try to shop them away. Throw out your “fat” clothes so that you quit growing back into them, it is just too easy to do. Enjoy this time with your parents, they are all of a sudden very smart and you are getting to know them as people quite well. Enjoy it as much as you can because your Dad won’t be here much longer and it is going to devastate you. You Mom will be your best friend someday, you do not believe me now but you will see. The cute guy at work? Go out with him (but take your visa, his will get declined on your first “date” even though it will NEVER get declined again) and hold tight while he deals with the ex-girlfriend drama. Quit second guessing your desire to have a breast reduction, do it now don’t wait until 2001. Most of all, don’t try to be anyone but you.

What’s one thing people might be surprised to learn about you?

I am a big sap and cry when I am away from my son more then 12 hours. I clean house when I am pissed off about something. I love to watch The Backyardigans with my boy, it is a really good kids show. I can not stand to see a photo of a hurt animal (I was a wreck when they were showing pictures of Micheal Vic’s Pit Bulls on TV). I really want a tattoo, but Stewart is not so keen on the idea. I have a total crush on Ben Stiller circa Zoolander (not the old guy version he is turning into now).

Thank you so much for this opportunity. What a fun way this has been for me to peek into the life of someone new such as yourself! It’s been a pleasure!

Sincerely,
Sheila
Pedaling Fast

Vacation Time

A quick post.

I am updating from VICTORIA B.C. Canada. The weather here is insanely mild and I have had no need for a shovel, boots, winter coats, dishwasher soap or a washing machine.

Excuse me while I do a happy dance…..  

Stewart and I have spent time:

• shopping
• eating
• touring cideries and vineyards
• driving around marveling that the architecture here doesn’t completely suck like at home
• spa-ing (amazingly Stewart is a bigger spa princess then I am)

Other then one sandwich I haven’t ate any beef or chicken here. Amazing. We have had Indian food, seafood, and had a night at a great vegetarian restaurant (and bought the cookbook so we could do it at home).

Jealous much?

We shall be back in Alberta tomorrow, where after 4 nights I will get to see my favorite little man (and the worlds greatest dog ever)! We sure do miss him them.